Were you taught as growing up that bad things happen to bad people? If you do something wrong or misbehave, something bad will happen to you. You will be punished. If this was part of your education, you might believe that if something bad happens, you might have done something to deserve it. On the other hand, if you feel like you are well behaved and did nothing wrong, you might believe that you do not deserve whatever bad thing is happening to you.
Why me? This is the daily life of a victim. And we have all been there.
Playing the victim rarely gets anyone what they want and ultimately, friends, family or coworkers will be pushed away. The victim will complain about complaining and then complain that they can’t stop complaining. The place of a victim is an easy one to get into and a hard one to get out of.
The “why me” victim style comes with this feeling that what you are going through is unique and it only happens to you. The truth is that everyone at any given time have experienced or will experience exactly what you are going through right now. You are not the only one who has traveled this path and experienced pain, illness, joy, loss, success or abandonment. Adversity does not discriminate. Among other things, it is important to build resilience in order to cope with the things that are out of your control and cause you to suffer.
The following tips hopefully will help you identify ways to unbuckle from the victim seat:
1. Build resilience. First of all, acknowledge that bad things happen. It is part of life. Secondly, use your awareness as a flashlight. Choose carefully where you place your focus. Light up what you can change and accept what you cannot. Third, assess on a regular basis if what you are doing is helping or making things worse. Forth, don’t throw the second arrow – if you are already in pain, it won’t do you any good to throw another arrow into the wound. Be kind to yourself.
2. Comparison is the thief of joy (Theodore Roosevelt). Victims live in scarcity and spend a great amount of their time making comparisons. They live under the impression that there is something out there that is doing something to them. You might recognize this pattern in some areas of your life. The attention is focused on what you don’t have and are trying to pursuit, and you end up creating even more resistance. Blaming, comparing, feeling helpless, gossiping or complaining often times becomes the norm. If this resonates with you, this is a good opportunity to look into yourself to find the answers and not elsewhere.
3. You do not see the world as it is. You see the world as you are. The way you feel will guide your eyes, thoughts and behaviors towards other people, situations and events. What you see is you. A victim will spot injustice, threat, all the same, ugliness, scarcity.
4. Playing out of your element for too long is the perfect short cut for the victims seat. We thrive in the areas and places where we excel. We can and should take a leap of faith out of our comfort zones in order to evolve. It is a great living principle to try and expose ourselves often to new things. But do not stick to it if it is not your thing. We do no good to ourselves playing the drums for a living if our heart is in baking cakes. You will have a victim lifestyle if you are not playing in your element. And unfortunately, the world will miss your gifts and contribution.
5. Make a decision about how you want to show up everyday. Recognize in what areas of your life you are currently playing a victim and what can you do differently. What is the impact you want to have on other people? How do you want to touch their hearts and souls? What choices do you have for your attitudes that matches your core values and empowering beliefs? Remember that you have the power to dark or light up the space with the way you choose to show up.
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